Never Alone
by JordynMM
Summary: Lilly Rush is recovering after being shot.
1. Waking Up

**A/N:** So this idea just came to me... And I know I've got a bunch of other stories going right now, but I had to start this one as well. Just so you know, I'm still working on the other ones, I haven't forgotten about them. I've just been really busy.

**Spoilers:** For the episode Stalker. Season 4 Episode 24.

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As soon she woke up she could tell that there was someone else in the room with her. Her eyes shot open, and she tried to sit up, but she was in too much pain. She panicked, trying to figure out where she was. She wasn't in her home. She wasn't anywhere familiar. Her vision was blurred, and she was dizzy. Her body ached, and she could still hear someone moving about the room.

She rested her head back down on the pillow as she tried desperately to remember what had happened to her. How she had ended up in this bizarre place. Finally her eyes focused on the room. There was a lot of white; so much that it was almost blinding her. She could hear someone speaking to her, but she couldn't focus on the words. She looked in the direction of the person talking, hoping that looking at this person would answer her questions. Tell her that she was safe, that she wasn't about to be killed or attacked by some freak.

She looked at the woman standing beside her bed. She didn't recognize the woman, but the fear that she was in danger vanished. And then it all came back to her. She had gone into that room with him. She had called Scotty. Scotty had shot blindly at him, but so had he at her. She had been shot. She was in a hospital because she had been shot.

Her eyes clamped shut as she realized for the first time since she woke up how much pain she was in. She could hardly believe what her mind was telling her, but the pain proved it all to be true. She could hear the woman, the nurse, speaking again. She tried to focus on the words, but the pain was unbearable, making it impossible to concentrate on anything else.

She finally felt the pain slowly fading. Her shoulder still ached unbelievably, but it wasn't nearly as bad. She wasn't sure whether she had done it all on her own, or if the nurse had given her something through her IV, but she was grateful nonetheless.

She was surprised when she heard two voices instead of only one. Her eyes opened, and focused on the same nurse, and a doctor standing beside her bed conversing with each other quietly. As soon as she looked up at them, the nurse walked away, and the doctor turned to her.

"Good evening, Detective Rush," the male smiled down at her. She stared blankly up at him, wanting him to go away. She just wanted to be alone so that she could think for a minute. Not that she wanted to remember, but she just needed to be alone. "Do you remember anything from earlier tonight?" he asked after not getting a reply to his greeting. Lilly was tempted to roll her eyes at this question. She had been shot, in the shoulder. Not in the head. How the hell could she not know what happened to her?

Instead of rolling her eyes, she nodded her head; not much, for fear of causing the unbearable pain to return, but enough so that her doctor would see. "Well, we managed to remove the bullet, and we did our best to fix the damage in your shoulder," the doctor explained. Lilly panicked for a second. They tried their best. She glanced down at her shoulder, allowing her eyes to travel all the way to the tips of her fingers. "I just need you to try to move your fingers for me," the doctor continued. She looked back up at him for a moment, and then back to her fingers. It was painful, but she was finally able to curl her fingers into her hand, forming a fist. She sighed in relief as she allowed her fingers to relax again.

"That's great," the doctor said enthusiastically. "Now, you're going to be in a lot of pain for quite a while, and it's not going to be a quick recovery," he explained. Lilly nodded very slightly once again. "Your coworkers have been waiting outside for you to wake up, would you like me to bring them in?' he asked.

Lilly pondered the question for a moment. She had wanted to be alone, but being alone would mean remembering the events of earlier in the night; something she definitely didn't want to do. But, if her coworkers were to join her, she'd probably have to remember anyway. Lilly nodded anyway, deciding maybe she didn't want to be alone after all. The doctor smiled at her one more time before turning around and exiting the room.

Not even a minute later, Scotty was entering her room. Her partner, the man who saved her life. She could see the worry in his eyes. She didn't want him to worry about her, she was fine. He quickly made his way over to her bedside as the other detectives and her boss entered the room. They all had the same look in their eyes.

"How ya feeling Lil'?" Scotty finally asked as the others joined him beside her bed. She felt like she suddenly felt very claustrophobic with her coworkers and her boss surrounding her like they were. She wanted to shrug her shoulder, but she started the movement, she realized her error, and relaxed back into the bed, closing her eyes in hopes of hiding her pain. She heard a chair scrape across the floor, and opened her eyes to see that Will had pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down. She sighed slightly, glad to have a bit more breathing room.

"I really wish I could stay for a bit longer, Lil', but I've got to get home to Veronica," Kat explained, resting a hand on Lilly's uninjured shoulder. "I hope you're feeling better soon," she added. Lilly nodded and Kat left.

She was suddenly wishing she hadn't said yes to them all coming in to see her. They were all watching her, afraid to say anything. Will was the next to speak. "We were told that we could only stay for about five minutes, since it's so late. But we just wanted to make sure you were okay," he explained softly.

"I'm okay," Lilly answered quietly. Scotty turned around, facing the wall. He pressed his hand up against his face for a moment, before pulling it away.

"I'm so sorry Lil'," he said, still facing the wall. "I should have been there sooner," he added, leaning against the hospital wall. "I could have prevented this," he added. He was very tempted to throw his fist into the wall, but the hand of his friend and coworker, Nick Vera, on his shoulder stopped him from doing so.

"No, Scotty," was all she could get out. She knew it wasn't his fault. He had saved her life, and he shouldn't blame himself. She wanted to tell him that, but she had a hard enough time getting two words out, never mind a full explanation. She knew it wasn't easy to convince Scotty that something wasn't his fault.

"Look Lilly, we've got to get going now, but we'll be back to check up on you, and if you need someone at any time, don't be afraid to call," her boss spoke. Lilly nodded. She watched as the four men left her room, and then closed her eyes desperately wanting everything to go away; the thoughts, the pain, the memories. She just wanted it all to end.

Her mind wandered to the last time she had been injured badly enough that she had to stay in the hospital overnight. She remembered how Ray took care of her. How he stayed with her in the hospital, and took care of her when she was allowed to go home. For a moment she wished she hadn't said goodbye to him for good. For a moment she considered calling him. He was the only person she felt truly comfortable with. And that was because he had seen her through it all.


	2. Counting

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own them!

**A/N:** Thanks for the kind reviews!

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Lilly pressed her head into the pillow and closed her eyes. Her eyes fluttered open just as quickly as they had shut. She couldn't get images of the shooting out of her head. She looked around the room she was in, desperate to find a distraction. There was a small television hanging from the wall, but beside it was a clock telling her that it was nearly four in the morning. Lilly knew from experience that there was never anything good on at four in the morning.

She watched the clock for a few minutes. The second hand slowly made its way around the clock. The longer Lilly watched, the slower the hand seemed to move. She finally pulled her eyes away and continued to explore the small room with her eyes. There were a few chairs for visitors, some machines, and a window that had a wonderful view of the roof of another building. _Great_, she thought. She had hoped she'd at least be able to watch cars drive by, but that was out.

Her eyes traveled over to the door. The hallway was quiet. Every once in a while a nurse would walk by, but other than that there was nothing interesting going on out there. Her eyes flicked back up towards the clock. She cursed herself for doing so. Not even a minute had passed since she tore her eyes away from it in the first place.

Her eyes finally focused on the tiles of the ceiling. She closely examined each individual tile for marks, chips, or any other abnormalities. It definitely wasn't exciting, but it was the only thing she could come up with to distract herself. She was exhausted, but every time she allowed her eyes to close, images flashed through her head. Images she was trying so hard to forget.

For two hours her eyes scanned the ceiling, the walls, even the floor. Finally she heard the door open, and watched as the doctor who had just entered her room flicked the light on. At first she couldn't see a thing. The sudden brightness of the room nearly blinded her. When her eyes finally adjusted to the light, she saw the doctor standing by her bed.

The doctor smiled at her and made polite conversation with her as he examined her wound. Lilly watched as her doctor pulled away the bandages and exposed the hole in her shoulder. Even though she was used to seeing gunshot wounds, seeing one on her own body made her feel a bit ill.

Her doctor explained and showed her how to clean the wound before he replaced the bandages with new ones. Lilly was relieved when her doctor finally left. He was a nice enough guy, but he was so excited and eager. Kind of reminded her of a little kid, and she really didn't have the patience to deal with kids at that particular moment.

Lilly finally grabbed for the remote control for the television, figuring there must be something on first thing in the morning. She flicked the channel to a morning news program, and tossed the remote onto the bed beside her. She glanced at the clock, and realized the program must have just been starting as it was just shortly after seven in the morning.

Lilly groaned when the news portion of the program started

"In a hostage situation last night at the Philadelphia Police Department, gunshots were fired leading to a death and two injured homicide detectives. No names have been released at this time," the woman on the screen explained. The television showed an image of the police department. Lilly grabbed the remote and shut the television off. She didn't want to have to think about it, and the news definitely wasn't helping.

She was relieved when just a moment later a woman came into her room with a tray of food. Lilly knew that hospital food was never any good, and she had absolutely no appetite, but she figured at least trying to eat it would pass some time. The woman placed the tray onto the table and Lilly thanked her before she left.

The meal wasn't all that bad, but Lilly still picked at it. She wasn't at all hungry. She finally pushed the plate away from her after forcing a few bites of toast. She glanced up at the clock again and pondered how long she'd have to stay. She hoped she'd be released that day but figured that was unlikely. She had come close to dying the night before. She had lost a lot of blood and she knew that without the drugs flowing steadily through her IV, she'd be in a lot of pain.

"You know, starin' at that thing ain't gonna make it move any quicker," a familiar voice spoke. Lilly nearly jumped when he started to speak, but was happy to see him. "How you feelin'?" her partner asked as he sat in one of the visitor chairs.

Lilly laughed slightly at the question. Scotty was surprised by this, but waited for her to answer his question. "Bored," she finally sighed. "You'd think a hospital would provide more entertainment for it's patients," she added.

"I'm sure there's somethin' worth watchin' on tv," Scotty said before he reached for the television remote. He hit the power button and the same morning show was still on. Lilly looked away from the television immediately, but she could still here it. The woman was either still talking about the night before, or she was talking about it again. Either way, Lilly didn't want to hear it.

"Turn it off," she breathed, her eyes closed tight. It took Scotty a few seconds to realize what the problem was, but as soon as he figured it out, he hit the power button on the remote.

"I'm sorry Lil'," he apologized quickly. "You okay?" he asked, the worry obvious in his voice.

"I'm fine," Lilly said, still looking away from Scotty and the television. She hated that question more than anything. She was great at keeping her feelings to herself, but when someone asked her that question, it was that much harder to hide the feelings. Lilly kept her eyes closed tight in a desperate attempt to force back any tears that may have wanted to make their ways down her cheeks.

"Lil'," Scotty started, but Lilly immediately interrupted him.

"I don't want to talk about it Scotty," Lilly said forcefully. Her voice was quiet, but she made her message clear. Scotty could tell that she wasn't okay, but he wasn't exactly ready to talk about the night before either. He felt extremely guilty for her being shot. Had he pulled the trigger a few seconds sooner than he had she would be fine. But, he was too late. He didn't know how to forgive himself for not being fast enough.

Scotty nodded before he stood up. "I gotta get to work. But if you need anything, anything at all, you know how to reach me. I don't care what time it is, just call and I'll pick up," Scotty promised. Lilly nodded, her eyes still closed, her goal of not crying growing more and more unattainable.

"Thanks," Lilly whispered before Scotty left the room. She was glad he left when he did, because seconds after he disappeared into the hallway, the tears started spilling out of her eyes. Lilly turned her head towards the window. She hoped that if anyone were to come into her room that they'd assume she was asleep.

Lilly closed her eyes and forced the tears to stop. She didn't fall asleep, but she did lay like that for a very long time. She ignored the hospital workers that came in and out of her room occasionally. She pretended to be asleep so that they wouldn't bother her, and they didn't. When she finally felt like opening her eyes and checking the time again, she was surprised to see someone sitting in one of the visitor chairs.


	3. Visitor

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them, never will.  


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Lilly blinked a few times, afraid that the person sitting there wasn't actually there, but instead a hallucination or some side effect of the drugs she was on. She thought maybe she had fallen asleep and she was simply dreaming his presence. But when he rose from the chair, took a few steps closer to her, and pushed the hair away from her eyes, she knew that he was actually there with her.

"Hey," he spoke softly as his hand cupped her face and he caressed her cheek with his thumb. He reached for the chair with his other hand and sat down beside her bed, his fingers running through her hair. His hair was a mess, which was no surprise. It always was because of the helmet he wore when on his motorcycle. His eyes were tired, almost as if he'd been traveling all night to get there. When she thought about it, she realized that was probably the case.

"Ray," Lilly whispered. She was confused. "Why?" Lilly asked after a long pause. She couldn't understand why he had come to Philadelphia. It was clear that at that moment he was there to see her, but it was unlikely that he had heard about the shooting from wherever he was staying; last she heard he was on his way to California. He must have had some other reason for traveling so far. "How?" she added after another short pause. How had he known she was at the hospital? She was too exhausted to put her words together and hoped that Ray would be able to figure out what she was asking.

"Christina called me," Ray said as let his hand rest beside her body. He wanted to hold her hand in his own, but both of her hands were on the other side of her because of her right arm being in a sling.

"Oh," Lilly replied and then looked away from him. Her sister was not a safe conversation piece, and Ray knew that more than anyone.

"Look, she called me because she was worried about you. Because of your mom," Ray explained.

Lilly looked back at Ray for a brief second and tears filled her eyes. "Mom," she whispered as she looked down. She hadn't thought about her mom since before she regained consciousness. "I... I," Lilly tried to explain, but a tear rolled down her cheek and stopped her from saying more.

"It's okay, Lilly. You've had other things on your mind," Ray said as he moved his hand back to her face and lightly traced the tear's path down her cheek with his thumb.

"Chris knew?" Lilly asked. She had no clue where her younger sister was even living and was in complete shock that she had heard so quickly of their mother's death.

"I guess so," Ray shrugged as he pulled his hand away from her face. He really didn't know a thing about what was going on with Christina. He was surprised when she called him. "Anyway, so I drove out here, only stopped a couple of times for a bite to eat. And I went to your work, and the place was a wreck. I recognized your partner, and started talking to him, but he wouldn't tell me a thing. He was a real ass," Ray explained. "The only info he gave me was that you were okay. And I guess he meant you were going to live "okay", because this, to me, isn't okay."

"I'm fine," Lilly said as she forced a small smile. Ray knew that she wasn't, but also realized that it was probably best not to argue with her. Instead he simply gave her a look that told her that he didn't believe her for a second.

Lilly sighed and looked up at the clock. She was surprised that it was already late in the afternoon and wondered if she had actually fallen asleep. "How long you been here?" she asked. She could remember hearing people coming in and out of her room but had assumed they were all nurses.

She had been positive she hadn't fallen asleep, but she also couldn't remember hearing Ray sit down across from her. "About two hours," Ray replied.

"You were quiet coming in," Lilly thought out loud.

"Yeah, I didn't want to wake you," Ray smiled slightly.

"I wasn't asleep. I was just tuning everything out. Had I known you were here, I would have stopped."

"Is that your way of telling me you're glad I'm here?" Ray asked. Lilly didn't answer his question, but merely smiled. "So, what's with your partner? He wouldn't tell me a damn thing," Ray asked after a moment. "I went to your apartment, and then to another hospital before I finally found you here."

"Scotty's kind of protective. He's seen what I've been like when you've come and gone before and probably thought it was a bad idea," Lilly explained. She realized that Scotty would have been right if this were true. Ray being there was probably a terrible idea. She couldn't imagine what him leaving again would do to her after being through so much. "He may have been right too," she added after a moment.

Ray paused to think about what she said before he spoke. "If you don't want me here, I'll leave," he finally replied. He was confused. She seemed to be happy that he was there with her, but suddenly she thinks it's a bad idea. Ray couldn't understand where this was coming from. He didn't want to leave her alone, but if she didn't want him there, what else could he do?

"It's not that," Lilly sighed as she tried to put words together in her head. "It's just..." she paused to figure out how to say what she wanted to say. "I don't think I could take it," she continued. "You leaving again. Not after everything," she finished slowly. She looked down at her hands to avoid his eyes.

"Who says I'm going to leave?" Ray asked.

"History," Lilly said as she looked up into his eyes. Memories flashed through his mind. He had left her so many times before, but he hadn't realized how much it hurt her until that moment. Guilt flooded through him but he didn't know how to respond. Instead he just sat there and watched her. Lilly eventually looked away from him and he felt even more guilty, but he wasn't about to make a promise until he knew he'd be able to keep it.

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**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to update, I've been pretty busy! Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter up a bit quicker. And sorry to disappoint all of you Scotty/Lilly fans, but unfortunately this story isn't L/S. Thanks for reading!


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